HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY LOVELYN!!!!

here goes,
happy birthday to you,
happy birthday to you.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO LOVELYN!
happy birthday to you =D

HAPPY 19TH BIRTHDAY DARLING =))))
i didnt msg to wish you, doesnt mean i bo xim.
jst tht i wanna blog it to show you i REMEMBERED okay!

in this new chapter, i wish you all th best in evrything you do nd strive fo.
also, most IMPORTANTLY. HAPPY ALWAYS=D
sweetest smile ever.

may you enjoy a peaceful sleep tonight.
angels up above, i pray tht you bless my friend with smiles everyday(:
nd may you bring her worries nd troubles far far away.

evryone's gonna BOMB ure phone i suppose.
so i ll only msg you tmr ;)

im still awake at this hour. grrrr* but i jst cant get t sleeep.
maybe due t th many days i ve been out till late, nd only sleeps at 6am every morning.
mr SUN is here t greet me goodnight. how sad =(

since i cant get t sleep, i shall BLOG.
oh, i havent had th time to upload th pics my dear valueyy. no, i mean im too lazy to.opps!

you knw wht? i kinda miss my pri/sec schl days. whre it seems like thre aint any worries fo me. i dont use th word trouble bcuz i guess i ve created a no. of troubles in schl last time.
no worries because--- i can skip schl like as nd when i like to.
i can oversleep w/o worrying fo my attendance whether i can promote or not.
grades aint so impt back in those days.
esp attendance! noww, i hav to face with DEBARS nd all sort of pattern an independent schl can offer. how sick?!
nd th reason i misses pri/sec schl days also cause i get to shop fo stationaries like th kids hanging arnd popular.
you know? th feeling of getting new pencils/pens/erasers/ nd of course a new PENCILCASE is really exciting fo me. like woooo~ mommy's bringing me to th POPULAR TODAY! =D all smiles fo me back then.
a walk in th popular brings back wonders memories(:


anyway, i had PIZZA today!!
*claps* its been like sooo longg ever since i had sucha sumptuous meal.
those sweet nd spicy drumlets got me so high boy.
fulfilling dinner i must say.
nd i gave th turkey kebab a miss due t th overloaded food in my stomach.
i must try it th nxt time i go pasamalam! mmmmm

tmr will be th first day of sch aft missing sch fo 4subsequent days.
mann. classmates must hav missed me nd my jokes! (:

go t bed now karen.
sweetest dream awaiting me babe =)

skating last night was really torturous fo me. booo!
but im really glad i hav two BEST FRIENDS thre to pull me thru when im at my lousiest mood-.-
and believe it or not, th route from hougang to old tamp rd feels like hougang to jurong for me. okay, mayb im over rating, but it sure wasnt easy.

with all th fears inside me acting up. gawd! imagine how stress??
i jst thot it wld be a better thing if i were to leave nd allow my two prettayes to skate off to their destination in a faster nd smoother pace. w/o mE riggght. but they were two stubborn bitches!
i told my besties to go ahead w/o me. i ll be fine cabbing home..
BUT these two LOVES of mine jst insisted tht i shld carry on PERSEVERING till th end!! after MUCH persuasion/FORCE, i reluctantly agreed tht they are right, and carried on th journey. *likeshit*
all my whores are having joy skating in th middle of th road, doing all tralalala acts.

i felt like crap, totally!
so, i fell down twice tht night.
1st, i fell in th middle of th road. no, i mean i actually fall flat.
but managed to get into th proper sitting position before i call out for help. like, i still wanna show th pretty side of me maa. LOL.
2nd, i bang onto th construction worksite, one of th barriers. kana th same spot on my left knee. boy, how much it hurts.
but i still smiled, nd managed to stand on my own.

then, th rescue team came. dyat nd ayu feels like my saviour. *phewww!
like finally ... i can hop onto a car, nd sit down peacefully while tolerating th pain thts acting up on my knee.
you know wht? actually it was really painful. i dont know why i still managed to smile off right aft my fall nd cont' skating. it really hurt thou. counting back th last time i fell was like?? not even my sec sch days i guess.

i had FUN afterall.
because my two whores kinda "made my day" an AWFUL CUM HAPPY one.
SO, it really contradicts.
i think i shld jst thank em' for training my perseverance.
and also, thankyou for making skating sucha joyful experience after so lonnggg.
we ll see if th NEXT TIME will come or not, to think tht i hav sucha itchy backside >.<

ANYWAY, BAD DAY.
period's here, sore eye attack(as usual) nd th "i had a bad fall last night"
goshh! these 3attacks in A DAY is really spoiling my mood.
mommy was so fed-up with me each time she sees my knee, hahahas!
earlier on, she jst used a hard boiled egg to rub onto th blue-black part.
i tell you, PAINFUL SIA! but she say, "this works faster, trust me. must REN k"
so i quietly *&%$#@^!@!!
WHOA! th egg is scaring me man.
then, she boiled some chrysanthemum fo me.
she's been nagging for days.. " please lar, tkecr of your health can anot. dont make me worry.. you ve been out every night. wht happened huh?? is everything okay on ure side? and please attend sch regulary. everyday you re telling me th same old lines, OPPS! I OVERSLEPT!.. nd now, you re badly injuried, please stay at home okay."
and so im homed th whole of today =) sleeping all da way till dinner comes home.

it feels good to stay home once in a while. esp with mommsy around!
hopefully not with her naggings.

i shall post pictures of my fall someday soon.
guess wht? i feel tht it looks worse now.
it looks soo, EEEWWW! no scars fo me please ='(

goodnight world! <3

its dinner time now.
but i dont see my dinner prepared anywhre in sight.. =(
mommy is sucha lazyy person. no food, no cook = daughter starving
gggrrr. still, i love her more than anyone! mmmmm =)


today, is my second day missing schl.
guess am gonna get debar really soon.
early morning getting arrows from everywhre.. from mommy's nag to daddy's stare nd brother's words of advice, till sister's breakfast. LOL
see, how it is to be th youngest child in a family ?? disastrous.
nd my bro jst warned me this afternoon, "you'd btr pass nd not get expelled from schl or you ll regret it!" woooo.. he is certainly scaring me. hais =(
anyway, sis ordered mcD's fo breakfast fo th brother nd sisters.
i went back t slp right aft saying "hotcakes please" nd woke up only at 12+ fo my "breakfast" so disgusting! th hotcakes were cold, nd ice milo gt so diluted by then. worse is my hashbrown hardened!
afterall my mcD's breakfast aint tht good. but i finished em' up.
went back to sleep right after having my last bite, nd woke up only after 4.
gonna grow real fat if this continues =(

sis got me a new pillow. really bouncy one.
nd needless to say, much more comfortable than th previous one i have, which was so flat causing my neck aches early every morning.
its no wonder i cant get up on time this morning...

anw, cheryl nd val came over my place last night. nd valerie was so amazed by how small my lappy is. yes, its small, but not eye friendly. LOL -.-
after having some usual gossips, we met up with usual people, fer nd vic.
th 5 of us then head fo supper!

nd if i knew i wont be attending sch today, i wld hav joined you all at kovan. hahas!
valerie, you slapped my face twice with ure hair. nd im gonna get back at you. just you wait!


th state of my mind. *whirl
read it.

PHOTOBLOG!
these are photos from past weeks.
my visit to sentosa, KM8.
sentosa round round with johnathan, th legendary kid, well- known at sentosa.
he took me on rounds of F.O.C skyride nd luge!! duper FUN i tell you ((=
K-session with th sweeties.
nd playground love.


ah ZAI! th 1st cat im nt as fear of.




























anw, work at saturday.
was training at paradiz centre at 12-3, work from 3-9
BUT! i only reached amk singapore pools at 0430 nd i end work at 0730.
bcuz th shop closed at 0730, so not my fault, nd th best thing is i get to claim my pay right from 3-9 when i only worked from 0430-0730. WOOO00!
afterwhich, was dinner at gardens with xander nd valerie.

sunday was spent at bedok.
sleepover at des's place on sat night, had teppanyaki dinner at TM, nd pasa malam.
like finally~~ he brought me for teppanyaki!
back home, nd then grandmommy's place for her birthday bash!
my cousin can really bake cakes, i had her ice-cream nd black forest cake. they were really really good. to think tht she is jst a student nd had picked up lessons for afew mths only. now, she is able to bake real delicious cakes. ESP ICE-CREAM CAKE, CHOC FLAVOUR.best!

im in schl right now, nd boredom do KILLS.
i need t find joy in coming t schl, really.

conflict against self.
my brain's been functioning a lot lately, nd i guess it died on me last night.
i dont really like to have mind games, nd i wish to let you know.


TKE CARE PEEPS!

Honestly what will become of me
don't like reality
It's way too clear to me
But really life is dandy
We are what we don't see
Missed everything daydreaming.


Traveling I only stop at exits
Wondering if I'll stay
Young and restless
Living this way I stress less
I want to pull away when the dream dies
The pain sets in and I don't cry
I only feel gravity and I wonder why.

Flames to dust
Lovers to friends




The sun goes down
I feel the light betray me*
goodnight sweets <3

to watch it all unwind
The sacrifice is never knowing...
Why I never walked away
Why I played myself this way
Now I see your testing me pushes me away
I’ve tried, like you
To do everything you wanted too
This is, the last time
I'll take the blame for the sake of being with you

The sacrifice is never knowing why...

oh, did i mention i sat on a fairlady last night?!
yipeee!! round town. so damn cool boy.

huiyun's dad jst passed away.
i pray.
rest in peace.

if you wanna tell everyone stories abt this r/s, untrue stories, stories tht are biased against me. you re th best. im a bitch, go ahead.

im least bothered, i cant announce to th whole world can i?
touch ure heart, ure consicence, question urself th way you were towards me.
you re not a crook. but i said, im not the best. but at least whn im with you, i gave it all. you know it, you do.
mayb towards me, you jst cant be at ur best. nd this is of no one's fault.
its jst not gonna be fo me.
am not gonna make you tke this blame.

you clearly knw th reason why i left you.
the ridiculous things you expect from me.
things you are not capable of doing yet asking it from me.
if you loved, you cld hav done sacrifaces to make me stay.
to correct your wrongs.
to tke away this unfair title.

you were too much. to give me up for girls.

proving me wht? they are impt to you, you cant be in a world of jst you nd me.
insecurities? whre my assurance?
whn i read back those msges you said you gonna trust me, shower me with love.
but wht i got? vulgarities day by day.. doubts abt me, jumping into conclusion nd yet shielding urself. whre is your love? with another someone i suppose.
its nt like i nvr try. i gave us space, time to talk things out.
you rejected again nd again nd again. you held ure damn pride right to th sky. which you think you re proud of. but to me, its jst gonna make you lose me.
nvr once, you bother to solve probs in this r/s. yet i still sided you so much.
bear with you.
i ve done it, have you?


i dont mind it, when you asked me to give up all my guy frens. even thou they are so out of th questions, but i still made a point to.
you re able to ask this from me, make sure you are ready to do so.
but are you? NO. YOU INSISTED YOU WANT UR GIRLS TO STAY. YOUR PRIVILEDGE! am i right?
NOT MINE. been cheated, i wont wanna try this out again.
ask every single girl standing on this earth.
tell them wht you made me do, and how unfair you were.
tell them ur stand and tell them mine.
i swear, no one will go along with ur wish.
cuz i surveyed if my decision is right.

how scary you were when you answered me, NO. YOU CANT BE W/O THEM IN UR FRIEND LIST.
and how unfair you were when you told me, YES. BUT YOU GONNA MAKE IT HAPPEN.
you re scary to me, indeed you really are.
the trust i had for you, you ruined it.
the trust i needed so badly.
my respect? do you respect me at all? up till today...
this moment. you know it
if you had love fo me, this wouldnt had happened.

you dont love me.

everyone, please dont get me wrong.
thre is nothing bad about him.
jst tht this r/s cannot carry on w/o trust.
i hate ppl being unfair to me.
and bcuz he no longer loves.
and this is nothing wrong, each has its choice.
nd i respect this nd him.
i even respect the most ridiculous request nd made myself a fool.
wht more am i left to do?
i did, i alrdy cleared th mess.
no need you to.
i ve done to th best of my ability.

im not perfect,
nd you dont love.

MONDAY.

late night supper till 6am.
str8 home, slept at 7am nd woke up at 8am for schl
my soul was practically dragging my lazy body/ feets to schl.
wht to do?
am so afraid i will retain fo 1sem.
my module grades are all D now, nd im only left with 5weeks to chiong to at least a grade C.
sigh~


TUESDAY.

supposed to go fo supper again.
but i was so tired, really dead.
home-ed aft sch nd slept from 0630-9+
woke up for dinner nd hmwk.
then went back to sleep at 10.
i really really must practise turning my hp into silent mode whn am resting.
fren called at 1+ asking me for supper.
which is like at river valley? -.- soo far lar.
skipped it.
on th phone with cheryl to3
nd went back fo my beauty slp.


WEDNESDAY.

clubb at MOS.
along with cheryl nd valerie plus more friends.
LOL
valerie got wasted yet again. i mean, val.. whts new?? really, WHAT?!
hahahas!
wanted to go home early cuz i hav a test on nxt morning.
but val, you my burden ah!
home-ed halfway, nd some fren called nd asked me over her place immediately bcuz she is in a really lowLOW MOOD.
so i went over. nd am only home at 7am.
then bathe nd head to sch str8.
i wasnt able to catch a wink k.
-silly thang, evrythings gonna be fine okay. its jst btwn th 4of us.
forget abt th incident nd move on.
humans make mistakes, jst like anyone else you do.
dont blame it on ureself anymore.
i hope my trip over with him was worthwhile. or i shouldnt hav wasted my time over!
slacked over till 7am.
gawd! i so paiseh for troubling him so muchh lar.
thankyou anyhowws.

THURSDAY.
sooo. i didnt get to sleep for th last 24hrs.
shit day.
went to sch for test nd then home to sleep.
caught HARRY POTTER later evening.
i slept thru half th movie, so i dont know if th show is nice or not. haa!
8bucks fo a pleasant sleep. okay, wasted!

FRIDAY.

overslept. didnt attend sch.
i really need to compensate my loss of sleep for tht 24hrs please.
mayb tpy ltr or supper at night.
noww, i jst need more rest.


unable to upload pics.
dunno wht cock went thru my lappy
nd fucking happily.

time to talk, Look...we gotta talk
But it's, it's just some things I gotta get off chest, alright?

you say, you always say.
"girl, i want you to belong to me and me only. you re meant to be all mine"
nd i thought to myself, "when hav i ever left you abandoned before?"
"whn have i ever left ure side nd not make you feel wanting?"
then again, i think...
your actions nvr did relate to ure sayings.
if you really wants me so much, wants me to belong to you nd you only,
then why you doing things thts making me running further nd further away from you?
increasing my speed each time.
why didnt you try to stop me down, nd bring me closer back to you?
i wonder, nd i always do.

im not th best girl around, i admit.
im not.
not at all perfect.

why do you act like a parent towards me?
a mother/father who forces me to do things their way, listen with no options.
i rebel to gain my rights, my rightful rights.
like a stranger, you dont trust me.
like a stranger, you dont respect me.

you re my boyf, my life partner, but why you doing this unto me?
its over th past two nd a half yrs i ve been wanting your trust for me, nd if it doesnt sound long enuff, its actually 34months. its been soo long i ve been trying to prove you wht i deserve, my rights, my trust.
whn did i ever break your heart, cheat on you or even say lie? tht i ve to deserve ZERO trust in this r/s.

even you think, you need trust from me. aft many times of breaking my heart, ruining th trust and respect i have fo you, yet i still tried, tried no matter how hard. to allow myself to make you feel belonged to th world. to respect nd treat you right.
nd you telling me i dont deserve yet abit ABIT of trust ?
no, nd i thought to myself. this shouldnt be the way it should be.
for me, for you, for this r/s.
i made sacrifaces, put in my effort, i gave all i have to give. so as to make this love a better one.
to make me th best girlf you wld ever have.
to make you feel all so loved frm midnight to dawn.
have i done smth wrong?
to get this in return for comfort?

i wish i cld give my world to you, but this love is all i can give to you.

i tried, really.
whn i mean i tried, i meant i tried my best.
in asking for th trust i long-ed to have.
th trust i think i deserve to own/have my way.
you broke my heart, but i didnt mean to break yours.
my pride spilled on th floor.
but i swallow em' all jst to give you a lil more face.
havent i done more than enough to make you treat me alil more with respect?

i know, i know.
love cannot be measured
but if lets say, i can use a metre rule to measure th love you have fo me, i wld say i feel, its less than half.
but if you were to use a metre rule to measure my love fo you,
you can find my love overweighs it all.
for you, yes.. its you.
i jst want to see you happy, with tht gleeful cheeky smile.
nd if it means you hav it all plan for us to go seperate ways, i will respect you.
for this tht you ve done in purpose nd force tht break up outta my mouth.


i hope you understand, im not a superwoman. no, mayb not ure wanting.
i give in, i swallow, i make my stand, my point clearly to you.
but i jst cant, and cannot understand why, once and again you re giving me up bcuz of a factor not impt in ure life.
1st, it was games.
nd now, girls.

its all about mutual understanding isnt it?
i cld have, done wht you wanted me to do.
if only you showed me my doings is worthwhile.
but you dont seem to be interested in giving me assurance. i was surrounded by insecurities, do you know?
but i cant force you to.
nd so wht am i left with?
a choice to make on my own.

i walked over, with cold sweat all over.
evry step i tke, thre seems to be this urge of spitting those words out. those words i wrote on my mind.
thre is so much more to say than for me to walk away.
but i cant, when you refuse to,
to even listen patiently to wht i ve gt to say.


was i ever impt to you?
am i living in ure heart, which only stands 1cm of space?
its hurtful to know such facts.
yes, my assumptions. but wht am i to do, to guess, to know.
whn you refuses to tell me anything at all, to even express ure love fo me?
when i walked away, did you count th steps i take?
cause i did.
whn i shut th door, did you turn to see if i secretly peeped back?
or were you too busy on another hand?

i prayed in every step i take, tht i will find you come chasing behind me.
i even closed my eyes nd stand, motionless. in hope of hearing ur footsteps nearing me.
all th time, whn i have hope, i face disappointments.
i shld hav known btr than to pray or hope fo smth like this to happen
cause i felt long ago, i meant nothing to you.

fo all these while, you ve been trying to tell me
i dont earn ure respect,
i dont deserve th trust i hav missed out on for th past 34months.

and now im telling you,
im tired of searching high nd low for th trust you hid away from me.
im tired of trying to spit out words tht you need to hear from me yet feeling so dejected.
im tired of keeping evrything to myself, bcuz i jst knew you wont hear me out.
im tired of arguing my way to let you know my stand.
im tired of forcing you into a talk with me, a heart-to-heart talk.
im real tired to see problems dragging.. i thot i need to find a way to resolve this, but it doesnt jst work on one side, whn you refuses to cooperate.
perhaps its my stubborness tht made me hang on till today, till i finally surrenders it all.

i am no longer interested in winning this game.
bcuz this love was nvr meant to be a game to me.

its a story i heart. one tht i love to read it all over nd over again.
its title--PRECIOUS moments.
its content within first started off with,
th love jouney,
th sex issue,
darby nd elephonie,
stayover nights,
our laughter nd tears,
th break up,
togetherness,
girls issue,
caught red-handed,
boys issue,
late night outs not acceptable,
smoking,
fuss nd fights,
clubbing,
your friends, my friends,
genting trip,
th unfair title,
nd here's th goodbye.

I can’t hold on
To what I want when I’m stretched so thin
It’s all too much to take in
I can’t hold on
To anything, watching everything spin
With thoughts of failure sinking in.

All that surrounds you were secrets and lies
You were my strength you are my high dream.
till th day i kept falling nd falling, failing to learn my lesson. you were still my dream.
now, i found my way. to stand up on my own, to pull myself tgt, nd walk away from you.

We are the same kind in many ways
we share the same disease, we are lunatics
and mad about adrenalin
and there is no way of stopping us
we stick to our addiction, but finally
the winner's only one of us
there's been a lot of fuss and fight on our way
and now there's only one thing left to say


when it's getting rough
and you're best is not enough


I don't cry for sorrow, I cry with joy
The memories we've made can't be destroyed
You know I won't forget you
You know I never could
And when I say I loved you
You know I meant for good

I'm well aware of how it aches
Though I don't like you anymore
You lying, trying waste of space


im sorry, but i really cant bring myself to give in anymore. thre isnt any space fo me to move further in. with no sense, no worth, no point.
you took my trust and played with it.
you took my faith nd destroyed it.
you took th respect i hold fo you, nd step it with ure own feet.

you kept your trust, nd doubt me.
you kept th faith nd mis-used it.
you kept th respect i deserve nd gave others.

you scarifaced time for nothingness to show me. jst so you can shut me up.

I had such high hope
We were what I believed in
I'm not one to give up
I feel defeated,and broken,and busted right open
I'm jaded and empty,this is not who I wanna be

I've stayed for so long cause I couldn't see me without you
But I have to ask myself
What am I holding on too
A feeling,a dream that's been leaving,it hurts me too hate you when I love you like I do.
We just can't go on
Pretending that we get along


How do you let go? when you..
You just don't know? What's gg on,
The other side of the door
When you're walking out, talk about it and
Everything I tried to remember to say
Just went out my head
So imma do the best I can to get you to understand
Cause I know..

here's my best.


We've tried it your way,tried it my way
we've tried everything but the highway.

lastly, i appreciate th times you dote on me like a baby.
when you protected me from dirty boys.
when you can make my smile last 1entire night, making me dream of ure niceness nd wanting for more.
i know you loved me, jst how much.

to make this decision was nvr easy.
but to see you not wanting me hurts more than this.

An angel's smile is what you sell
you promise me heaven,
then put me through hell
Chains of love, got a hold on me
when passion's a prison,
you can't break free.

let me greet you all with ..yawnnnS! 1st.

gawd! i jst got home.
home-ed aft schl, nd fell aslp soon aft th clock strikes 7pm.
woke up arnd 9 nd met alexis to pass her her digi cam. so glad to see her still sticking with her adam after so long=)

then, cabbed down to sentosa. (find myself too rich eh)
had good'ole time with valerie goh ps. with all the F.O.C drinks nd food on mr dyat!
first, he brought us lychee martini, followed by japanese mushroom ..smth, wings, nd then a whole bottle of sarong fly. ALL THANKS TO VAL FOR SUCH PRIVILEDGE=D
val nd me was enjoying good times eh. chatting and then laughing at retarded acts of ours.
friends joined us shortly after.

okay, i needa sleeep!
ciao~



;If I
Turn my back I’m defenseless
And to go blindly seems senseless.

Do you hide ure pride, from these bad dreams
And give in to sad thoughts that are maddening?

goodenighto.

rise and shine go nd die.





;hateschl, its a morning nightmare. roarr!

: THE BED WHERE YOU LIE, IS MADE UP ON YOUR SIDE
when you walked away, i count th steps tht you take.


Emphasis on Self is a tunneling vision of the world.
View yourself from the world and you'll notice things
and people u have always taken for granted.
Thus knowing how fortunate and loved u are.
Treasure it or lose it.


No one in this world is obliged to be nice to you.
Be nicer to those who cares abt you and not say hurtful words like "No one asked you to".

is my mind to set on only one particular that i have unknowingly strike out all that could have actually be quite a wonderful wonderful?
the questions ive been faced with are those that contains the ability of me to surrender once and for all.
but no, the real answers i come up with arnt complicated with my ability but with perhaps my stubborness.
it isnt because i cant.
it is because i refuse to do so.

treated with so little respect and concern for, my decision to be attached unconditionally never falters.
maybe i do play games of hide-and-never-seek with little ones that come my way, but no, they never are able to shift places rooted dearly within me.





and you know love.
perhaps the love you know is different from mine.
love i want is for another's happiness just so it gives me a little of mine.

thre is no listening ear here. not from my love
from th hide-nd-seeks.

nights.

POWER HOUSE last night.
valerie goh pei shan was a gone case yesterday.. total high-ness!

rest assured, i will go all out to have fun with you darling=)
but hopefully not on sun can? LOL. i missed sch again, was too tired lar. thts why i cant club on sun. mmmm, but since you love it, i will =D


*drifted.
nd only whn you realise it, i'll be gone.
into thin air.